Catch22
by idioticonion
Summary: Robin plays matchmaker: A little explanation of her thought processes during Garbage Island.


**Catch-22**

Robin was determined, totally determined, not to ask Nora what happened at Laser Tag last night. No, scratch that, she wasn't _determined_, because really she didn't care about it. Not at all, not one way or the other. What happened between Nora and Barney was between them. They're both adults. They could get up to whatever they like.

Oh, who was she kidding? They had sex. It was _Barney_, of course they had sex.

And yet, Nora had turned him down before. Maybe she was a three date sort of girl. Or maybe she just didn't sleep with cute, fun guys at all. She was British. Who knew what weird stuff they got up to?

"Hey, do you mind?" Bev barked across the desk at her. It was only then that Robin realized she'd been loudly tapping the end of her pencil against the desk for the last two minutes.

Okay, she took a deep breath, and another one, and then carefully placed the pencil down. Her fingers ached now, and she told herself that it wasn't with the effort of not asking Nora what didn't happened last night at Laser Tag. And... that was a double negative and even Robin wasn't sure what it meant. It was just that… she needed coffee, okay? She was a journalist now. Journalists always started the day with a hot cup of Joe.

Fixing what she hoped was a casual smile on her face (but she was worried might be a rictus grin), she got to her feet and, casually, sidled over to the kitchen, where she'd casually noticed Nora standing and staring thoughtfully at the coffee machine.

"Hey Nora!" Robin blurted. _Casually_.

"And just how do you get this thing to make tea?" Nora asked. "Honestly, if I drink any more coffee I think I'm going to vibrate right out of my skull. I don't know how you Americans stand it!"

"I'm not Ameri-" Robin cut herself off. If anything, she could kill for a Timmy Ho right now. Mmm, donuts.

"So how are you feeling, anyway?" Nora's large, soulful eyes were wide with concern.

"Feeling…?" Robin replied. There are no feelings. No feelings are involved in any way. Feelings died a long, long time ago. Her and Barney are totally good. Friends, that's it. Just friends. Buddies. Bros. There are definitely no feelings.

"After last night? You sounded pretty sick." Nora prompted her.

"Oh!" Robin laughed. Her lame excuse to get Nora to go on that date with Barney. "Oh _right_. Yeah, much better. Stopped hurling." Then she rubbed her stomach as a kind of belated afterthought.

_Now_, Robin thought - _now_ she can ask Nora. It was perfectly acceptable to ask Nora about last night now that Nora had brought it up first. She could slip it into the conversation, _casually_. "So I'm sorry to leave you stranded like that with Barney," Robin said.

"Are you joking?" Nora's expression lit up like a freakin' 120 watt bulb. "It was great! So much fun. I haven't enjoyed myself that much in months."

Robin didn't ask "So did you sleep with him?" She almost did, but she was pretty proud of herself for choosing something a little less intrusive. "Yeah, Laser Tag is surprisingly good times." Robin nodded, casually. She nodded and smiled.

Nora just beamed.

One of them was going to crack first, Robin thought. And it wasn't going to be her.

"It's a shame I was so tired," Nora said, eventually, "and that we had to get all the way back from Poughkeepsie…" She trailed off, looking down at her hands.

Robin waited.

"Robin, can I ask you something?" Nora continued.

If Robin was keeping score, she'd have just got, like, one hundred points for patience. "Sure. Shoot."

"I gave Barney my number. Was that stupid? Do you think he'll call me?" And damn it, if Nora didn't just look totally smitten.

Something shifted gear, deep inside Robin's heart, and she found herself smiling back fondly. "Well, he's one of those idiots who'll probably wait three days, but I can find out. If you like?"

"So I'm not being ridiculous?" Nora was looking for reassurance. "I mean, you told us that he's a bit of a cad."

Robin sighed, feeling weirdly ambivalent - defensive for Barney, but also completely understanding how Nora must feel. "Sometimes he is. But underneath it all, he's a pretty good catch. For the right girl."

Nora looked a little deflated, and Robin held out her hand.

"No, I didn't mean... Look, just don't put up with any of his charm-offensive bull crap and you'll get along fine. Although I don't think I needed to tell you that."

As Nora smiled again in relief, Robin felt weirdly protective of her. _Way to go with the complex emotions, Scherbatsky_, she thought. Whatever happened to casual? She really shouldn't get so invested in Nora and Barney.

And yet… Nora was so sweet, and Barney very obviously liked her. She was a romantic, and Robin knew that Barney was too, deep down. Now if only he could get over the thirty-six billion issues he'd got about dating intelligent women, Nora could bring that side out of him. Maybe Robin could play matchmaker? After all, Lily did it all the time.

How hard could it be?

#~-

As it turned out, being in at the birth of a new relationship was tough. Way tough.

On the one hand, you couldn't force it. But on the other, you just wanted to slap both parties as hard as you could across their faces.

Because Nora could totally call Barney. Robin told Nora she should probably just call him. Why did the guy always do the calling? But Nora said that she's worried about "looking needy" and mumbled about somebody called Bridget Jones. Whoever Bridget was, Robin wanted to give her a piece of her mind for giving Nora such bad, and gender-stereotypical, advice.

And if Robin thought that getting Nora in the right headspace was difficult, she was nothing compared to Barney.

"So, did Barney say he was going to give me a ring?" Nora asked her a couple of days later.

Ring? Say what? Barney was giving Nora a _ring_? Robin blinked a couple of times in panic before she managed to translate Nora's words into American. "Ring? Oh, you mean, did he say he was going to call you?"

Nora nodded, oblivious. "Uh, yes."

"Um, no," Robin shot back, exasperated.

Nora's face fell and then Robin just felt mean.

"I mean," Robin says. "I'm sure he will call you… Eventually." She smiled weakly, but truth be told she was still angry with Barney. While she was trying to quietly, subtly and, most of all, casually, get Nora and Barney together, Barney was just being a total pig.

"I suppose he can't like me that much then," Nora said, turning away and pouring Robin some coffee. "It's okay," she continued, but Robin could hear the underlying sadness in her voice.

Damn it, Robin hated seeing Nora having to put on a brave face about this, but it really showed some strength of character. If Barney needed to get together with anybody, it should be somebody like Nora. Why was he still wasting himself on bimbos?

"He does like you," Robin tried to explain. "But that's the whole trouble. He's an idiot. And he's been burned in relationships before." As Robin said the words, she realized how true they were. First he was hurt by Shannon, which seemed to have screwed him up pretty fundamentally. Then he must have gone through the same pain Robin did when they broke up. Still, being friends didn't mean they both didn't still feel it from time to time.

"He just doesn't want to be hurt again," Robin mumbled.

"I understand that, I really do," Nora replied, and her expression seemed wistful, almost hopeful. "It's only one drink though, how hard can it be?"

"Then call him?" Robin went to write down Barney's number but realized she didn't actually know if he'd swapped his phone again. Him and his stupid dating theories. "Damn, I just realized just got a new phone. Look, I'll get him to call. By the end of the weekend, I promise."

Nora shook her head. "I might have fallen madly in love by then, with some gorgeous rich sugar-daddy with a yacht and a villa in Monaco."

Robin laughed. "Sure. Well, if you have, ask him if he's got a brother?" Then she thought of Zoey and the Captain.

Maybe not.

#~-

Barney wasn't a pig. Robin took that back. Nope, he was an evil, misogynistic, selfish, twisted son of a bitch.

All she was doing was to try to be altruistic because, for his own good, Barney needed somebody to look out for his evil ass.

All he was doing was aggressively trying to sleep with her.

And it was driving her mad. She must be insane-crazy because she was going to call his bluff. She was playing a dangerous game of chicken with the master, with the guy who would never swerve away when the headlights bore down on him. And deep inside, Robin wondered if she didn't somehow want that backslide, just get it over with. The last guy she'd been with was Max and that wasn't the best sex of all time. She knew that, at the very least, Barney would get her where she needed to go.

Only, Robin suspected that if she gave in to this, she'd end up feeling as dirty, guilty and regretful as she did the morning after their first time.

And how did that help Barney exactly? And what about her promise to Nora? Nora, who probably was going to meet an Italian race car driver if Barney didn't wise up. Nora was sexy, smart and had that accent. Everybody knew that guys dig British chicks.

Really, could Barney be more of a jerk about this?

But still, at the back of Robin's mind, she just wanted to channel her rage into meaningless, angry sex. She was more than ready for that backslide, and damn it, Barney could pick up the scent of a woman's vulnerability from three blocks away. And Barney wouldn't swerve. He'd smash straight into her, grinning the whole time. She'd bet anything on that.

Robin just wished for once, just for once, that Barney would prove her wrong.

#~-

The next night, Saturday night, just after Barney left with Nora's number, Robin got a text from her.

"Not sure he has the yacht or the villa, but we talked and he makes my heart skip a beat. Thank you so much. Nx."

Robin wiped the back of her hand across her brow. Well that was a relief.

"Why are you smiling?" Ted asked her.

"I just feel like the midwife who's delivered a bouncing, healthy, nine-pound-er," Robin replied.

"What?" Ted asked with a laugh.

"Barney and Nora," Robin said. "She just texted me. It's on."

"Those crazy kids?" Ted had that dopey, love-and-puppies look on his face. "You know, I'm gonna call it. I think they'll get married. They have a great 'How we met' story with the Laser Tag."

Robin was about to correct Ted, because they actually met at the bar, but she didn't because, well, firstly correcting people was Ted's annoying trait and she'd be damned if she let it become hers.

And secondly, her stomach dropped slightly at the word "married". She knew that she should be happy for Barney and Nora. She's set them up. This new relationship was all her doing. And yet, once again, she felt conflicted.

She felt a little lost.

Because now she had to spend almost every night in the bar with her friends who were all paired up. She was the last single one left.

Maybe she was just being introspective and all she needed was to go out and get laid?

But somewhere, deep inside, Robin knew that this was the end of an era, and maybe the start of something new.


End file.
